Since I have been off of chemo, I have not been sick which is a wonderful thing. And I am getting more strength back each day. However, the fluid in my abdomen has come back. My doctor said it could be my liver causing it. She said that my liver may be functioning like cirrhosis because of the chemo and all the medications I have been on. So, she has put me on diuretics and some other stuff to help clean out my liver. I'm just praying that it's not the cancer. My pain has come back and I am having to take pain medication again. Just keep the prayers coming as I continue to ask for total healing.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I had my Herceptin infusion today and then saw Dr. McKeen after. My cancer markers are way down, almost normal and I am done with chemotherapy! That was the best news I have heard in a long time. She is going to keep me on Herceptin once a week for the next four weeks and then if I am stable, I will just get it once a month. I will probably have to get it for the rest of my life, but it does not make me sick and it only takes about an hour from start to finish. I can live with that. They have very good results with this medicine and she said it may be all I need. I will have a petscan in about four weeks. I am believing that there will be no cancer on that scan and I will be in full remission. My echocardiagram of my heart came back good. My heart is in good shape. We think the palpitations may be from the steroids that I am on. Today is the first day off of them.
My God is so AWESOME! Mckeen seemed to be surprised that the cancer has gone away like it has. She said if I do good deeds that she thinks it might stay away. I know better than that. It's by grace that I am healed and my physician is my heavenly Father.
Please continue to pray for total healing. I am so ecstatic with the news today that I want to shout it from the roof tops and give credit where credit is due!

I have been having palpitations lately and Thursday was pretty bad. I called Ian to come home from work because I was home alone with the kids and afraid something would happen. Of course I didn't want to go to the hospital. I'm a nurse you know, and a cardiac one at that, and nothing is supposed to be wrong with my heart. Further more, I am sick of going to the hospital. Ian made me call Dr. Mckeen and I did. They of course told me to go the the ER if it continued. It didn't and I didn't have to go. But, they scheduled an echocardiogram and an EKG of my heart. I had to have it done at the hospital and they made an appointment for today. I had to check in with the ER patients and there were people vomiting and really sick in the ER waiting room. I just sat there praying that the Lord would put a hedge of protection around me. My immune system is weak and I just got out of the hospital. I don't need to catch anything else. So, please pray that I was not exposed to anything. I waited two hours for a scheduled test because they couldn't find my prescription. I was a little irritated. But, it was finally done and now we wait for results. The main side effect of the Herceptin that I am still getting is cardiac problems. I'm praying my heart is strong and that the chemo nor the Herceptin has not affected it in anyway.
I brought Maddie with me and we went and had lunch together before the test just to spend some time together alone. On the way to lunch, she started asking me alot of questions about how much it had spread. We told her it had spread, but she never knew all of the places it had gone to. I felt the need to be honest with her and so I told her everywhere it had gone. She has been so strong this summer and has been such big help to me. She has stood by me when I was home alone with my kids and held my head when I was vomiting. She would rub my back and say it's ok Mom, let it out, I'm right here. She would get a cold washcloth for me and clean out my bucket of vomit. Make sure I had something to drink and make lunch for Parker. And, today, she finally broke. She burst into tears in the car and said, Mom, I've had enough! I'm tired of you being sick and all summer. Why does it have to be you? This is what I hate the most about this! When it hurts my little girl, Momma bear comes out. But, I stayed calm and told her we will never know why and it really doesn't matter. I told her mommy is doing better and we know the Lord has never left us through all of this and mommy is going to be better again real soon. I was so glad she was finally honest with me, but my heart is broken tonight as I picture her little face fall apart. I know everyone will say this will make her stronger and who she is today. Well, that's great, but I bet it's not what you would want for your child. I know she will be alright and it will make her stronger. It just wasn't how I would have done it. But, I know she is in God's hands and he can take better care of her than I can. So, just keep her in your prayers as she walks through her feelings.

I had my Herceptin infusion on Tuesday, but no chemo. She is holding chemo from week to week right now until she makes a decision as to whether I need to go back on chemo or not. I'm praying that I don't have to. Mentallly, I am not ready to go back on right now, so if it comes to that, I will need lots of prayer to mentally prepare myself again. But, for now, I am going to enjoy each day that I am off of it and try not to think past that. I do pretty well with the Herceptin. It seems to be upsetting my stomach, but is tolerable and only lasts a day or so. For the most part, I feel much better, just very weak. When you feel better, you want to do so much more and then I end up over doing it. It is amazing how weak you become when you are in bed for so long. One day at a time, right? I continue to pray for total healing and believing it has already been done!

I'm home! Dr. Mckeen came in around 5:00 last night and said my CT scan had improved since Monday and I could go home. She feels like this may have all been caused by the chemo. So, she will not be giving me chemo for a while. I will just get Herceptin for now. She said many women do very well on just the Herceptin. She wants to research a little more and see if this is truly from the chemo. There is another woman in Boston that is receiving the same chemo as me and has the same symptoms, except she is worse than me right now. The doctors up there are trying to decide the same thing, whether it is a side effect of the chemo. Dr. Mckeen is going to recommend that they not give her the chemo again because of the similarities of both of our cases. My CT scan was so good that she feels comfortable not giving me the chemo right now. She said that I could be close to being in remission. We will see how I do with just the Herceptin and let my body heal from the pneumonia and mouth sores. Then, she will probably order a PET scan and we will know for sure whether I am in remission or not. I was overwhelmed by these results. There are a few benign lesions in my left breast, there does not appear to be any cancer in the lung, and there is still some fluid in my abdomen, but my abdomen looks unremarkable. I was brought to tears! My God is so good! He's still good even when I doubted Him at times. That's my kind of God! Always faithful! I am home now on antibiotics and healing. Weak, but doing well. I am thrilled to not be getting chemo for a while so that I can get my strength and energy back. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Feeling better as far as the aching and fever goes. And my breathing has gotten a little better. I am still on the oxygen, but I know it is temporary until I can get my lungs cleared up. It appears to be a very bad case of pneumonia. My left upper lobe and my right middle lobe are completed solid with gunk in them. They are trying breathing treatments on me to try and loosen them up and get stuff up, but, we have had no luck. It just gets me coughing and then I start vomiting. I just had another CT scan today ordered by Dr. Mckeen to see if this is being caused by the chemo. Apparently this could be a side effect of this type of chemo. Depending on the results of the CT scan today will decide whether I have to have a bronchoscopy tomorrow. They will go down my throat and into my lungs and take a biopsy of what ever is in there. Then they will run tests on it to see exactly what it is. I am so ready to go home, but I'm glad they are being thorough in getting to the bottom of this and where it is coming from. I will let you know when we have results and what the game plan is next.

I slept good last night, but woke up and could not do anything with exertion even with the oxygen on. I called Dr. McKeen's office and they wanted me to come in. Ian had to go rent a wheelchair for me because I couldn't even walk to the bathroom because my oxygen would drop too low. Maddie had meet and greet day today. So Ian took her to that and my Mom took me to the doctor. She looked at my CT scan from last week and saw a spot on my left lung that had changed. I asked if it could be progression of the disease and she said possibly. She said it could also be a mucus plug from a fungal infection which would be treatable. The good news is that, my tumor markers have gone from 1790 to 400. So, she decided to admit me to Good Samaritan Hospital. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy. Although, I get panicked when I can't breathe, so it is probably a good thing. I saw the infectious disease doctor first and he ran a battery of tests. And then, Dr. Scoma, my lung surgeon came in and ordered another CT scan to see what has changed from Tuesday. He said either it is fluid again, a pulmonary embolism or infection. I got the results pretty quickly and it is pneumonia. The good news is that the fluid has not changed and he said the cancer has improved since the last CT scan I had several weeks ago when I was here having surgery. I was so happy to hear that. They have started me on strong IV antibiotics and will be here a few days. He said it will probably take a good 48hrs. to feel any results. I'm praying that the breathing gets better before then. If I lay still in bed them I'm fine, but if I do anything, I can't breathe. I hate being here when my kids start school tomorrow. But, they are home with my Mom and Ian is spending the night with me. I don't want to be alone because I get so scared when I can't breathe. I talked to the kids tonight and they sounded fine and are excited about school tomorrow. They are always fine with my Mom. I am just thrilled it's pneumonia and not anything worse. This is treatable and then I can get off the oxygen again. Yeah!