Psalm 118:17

I will not die, but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

This has been a rough week. I'll start back with Monday. I went to my oncologist at the recommendation of my doctor in Texas, to see if she would be willing to give me an infusion called Herceptin. I have receptors on my cancer cells which shows that I am HER 2 positive. This drug will block those receptors so that they will stop replicating these cancer cells. If she would give me the infusion, then it would save me a trip to Texas. She agreed to give it to me, but also recommended another chemo drug. I have been very confused as to what to do. I feel like this thing is out of control inside of me and something has to stop it quickly. So, I have been praying as to what to do. My doctor in Texas does not want me to do it as of yet. I have started the UK protocol and he would like to give that a chance. But, waiting on that makes me nervous. I still didn't have an answer from the Lord by Friday when I was to get the infusion, so I told them I would take the Herceptin, but I was still trying to decide on the chemo. I got the Herceptin yesterday and seemed to tolerate it well until after I had been home for a little bit. I started to get nauseous and took a pill to help with that. I slept for a little bit, but when I woke up, I was still nauseous and soon began to throw up. I guess this is common and usually only happens with the first dose. I hope that's the case. I will get the Herceptin once a week for three weeks and one week off.
My other problem is my pain. It just doesn't seem to be getting any better. Just seems to be getting worse. I have increased my pain medicine, but nothing seems to completely take it away. Being in pain constantly begins to take a toll on you physically and emotionally.
Please pray that I will make the right decision as far as the chemo goes and that my pain will subside.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm sorry I have not blogged in several days. I just have not felt very good at all. I got home Friday night and the flight went well, although it took everything out of me. I have been so weak since I came home and have been sleeping a lot. Today I got dressed and did a few things around the house. I have just felt wiped out and needed to physically and emotionally rest. The kids are in VBS this week at our church and are having a wonderful time. I'm glad that has kept them busy and kept them from seeing me so under the weather. Just please continue to pray for strength to continue this battle as I prepare to start on the new protocol from the UK.
I am also asking for prayer for my sister in law, Jennifer. She is 10 weeks pregnant and has been in the hospital several times because of dehydration. She can't seem to quit vomiting and has lost 17 pounds, of which she did not have to loose. She and my brother have tried for almost three years to get pregnant again and it has been a real struggle for her. Please pray for her and her baby's health. After talking to my brother today, he and I both feel that we are being attacked by every angle. We are convinced that the devil is not happy with our faith in God and he is even more determined to break us all. Please keep my entire family in your prayers as we come together as a family to fight this battle against evil.

Friday, June 11, 2010

My family is gone and I am left here alone until my flight this evening. Even though I will see them tomorrow, I cried as I watched them out the window drive away. It's too quiet here without them. I'll be so glad to all be home tomorrow and get back to our daily routine.
The plan for now is that I will come out here once a month for chemo. I am going to get an IV of minerals and amino acids that I have been getting out here at home. There is a doctor in Ft. Lauderdale that will give it to me. Dr. Kotsanis wants me to get it three times a week. I'm hoping to find an alternative doctor closer to home. This IV is used for cancer and some patients have used it alone for their cancer treatment and have done really well. I will also start on a treatment from the UK when I get home. It is a plant based serum that I will take by mouth along with a very strict diet of only certain foods that I can eat. The man has won a nobel peace prize for his work in curing stage 4 cancer patients that have been told to go home and die. So, between these three things, hopefully I will get results.
I forgot to tell you that the other night Maddie was laying in bed with me and she sat up and held my hand and said, "Mom, I have to tell you something and I'm not sure how to tell you". She went on to tell me that she googled how to cure cancer and that she found out you can't. She didn't know if I knew that and she felt like I needed to know. She was trying to be the strong one delivering me this bad news. I was stunned! I told her that I knew that, but asked her who was my physician? She said, Jesus, and I said yes. I am trusting that the Lord is going to heal me even though they say you can't cure cancer. She never ceases to amaze me!
My parents are still in Virginia and my sisters are on their way home from Virginia today. So, Shelby and Darlene will pick me up from the airport tonight and stay with me so I'm not alone. Ian will be home tomorrow with the kids. Please pray for safe driving and flying for me. Pray that we will all be home together safely as a family tomorrow.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Chemo went much better yesterday for a change! No vomiting, just very tired. I think I slept most of the day. But I was so happy not to be sick. I woke up feeling pretty good today, which is our last day here. I fly out tomorrow night and Ian, Shane and the kids leave sometime tomorrow to drive home. We have a lot of packing up to do, so I'm glad I'm not sick.
My recall healing went really well on Tuesday. She said we accomplished a lot and I felt the same way. The last two days, the fluid in my abdomen seems to have gotten way worse. I feel like I am back to where I was when I had it drained two and a half weeks ago. Now, this morning, it feels like it has gone down a little. We have been weighing me at the doctors office, but it is difficult to tell because I have been consistently loosing weight. I have no appetite at all and nothing sounds good to me. So, I am probably loosing weight from not eating, but hard to tell if I'm gaining from the fluid.
I go to Dr. Kotsanis today to have laser treatment on my lymph system for the last time and I have started taking some homeopathic supplements to help with the drainage as well. Hopefully this will all help the fluid decrease.
Please pray for my flight home tomorrow as well as Ian and the kids on the road. Pray that it is on time and a smooth flight. I am nervous about getting sick. I will be flying by myself, so please pray! I'm thinking positive and trusting the Lord! Can't wait to be home tomorrow night and see all of you soon!

Monday, June 7, 2010

No chemo today! He said I have been to sick and weak to get it again so soon. We did laser treatment on my lymph system again and I will probably get chemo on Wednesday and that will be it this week before I go home on Friday. I was happy to go home and be with my kids. We actually took them to a waterpark that is kind of like Calypso Bay at home. They have been wanting to go and I wasn't about to sit in the room while they were having fun. I couldn't go on the rides, but I sat in a lounge chair and Ian got me in an inner tube to go down the lazy river with them. Even though I couldn't do everything with them, I was there and that's what is important. They were happy that I was watching them go down the slides. We made memories and that's what is important to me. I had a great time with them. Ian took Maddie to the mall tonight to return a game at game stop and Parker and I snuggled in bed and watched a movie. He fell asleep in my arms and nothing made me happier.
Tomorrow afternoon I have another recall healing session. The first one went well and I have started to figure out what emotional events in my life have caused this nasty cancer. It's very interesting how she figures out everything. Pray that I move forward in that healing process.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Chemo continues to be a real challenge for me. Friday was another rough day. I am still getting pretty sick and vomiting. Tomorrow I get it again and I'm having a hard time keeping my head up. Knowing what's coming is not fun. I did however have a pretty descent day today. We took the kids to the Dallas aquarium because it is inside and it is really hot out here. I had to keep sitting down and resting, but enjoyed being with my kids and husband. We came back to the hotel and after taking a rest, I went in the pool with them. So, today was a good day, but thinking about tomorrow is constantly in the back of my head. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe it won't be as bad tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself. My kids have been such good sports and I'm so thankful to have Shane here to help. When I'm sick, Shane takes them to the pool and plays with them. They are perfectly content with the pool. It makes me mad though, because I want to be having fun with them. So, again, I know I need to think positively, but struggling with that right now. Keep praying!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I had a rough night last night. I did not sleep much because my pain was so bad. But, I woke up this morning to my kids and husband walking into my room. What a way to wake up! They crawled in bed with me and we just snuggled together. That's the best therapy! However, I have continued to be in a lot of pain all day. My back and abdomen is just really bothering me.
I hated to see my mom go tonight. We have had a good time together and I am going to miss her greatly. There is nothing like your mom taking care of you when your sick no matter how old you are. She just knows what to do. I am blessed beyond words to have her as my mom. I love you Mom!!!!
Tomorrow I get chemo again and I'm taking the kids to meet everyone. I'm excited to show them off. Please pray that I get a good nights sleep, my pain is better and that chemo goes well tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Chemo went well yesterday. I was tired, kind of felt like the flu and was nauseous at bedtime, but overall, it was much better than last week. Thank the Lord. The fluid in my abdomen seems to be staying about the same. I have definitely accumulated fluid since I had it taken off last Monday, but it is not anywhere as bad as it was. And it seems to remain the same from day to day. So, something must be working. Besides the chemo, they have been doing laser therapy on my lymph system trying to get it to drain. Hopefully between the chemo and that, it will start to decrease.
My aunt Lauren flew in Monday night and leaves early tomorrow morning. We have had a good time with her. She and mom can make anyone laugh. Mom also leaves tomorrow night. And Ian, Shane and the kids left today to head out here. They should be here sometime on Thursday. I can't wait to wrap my arms around both of them. It's been almost two weeks since I have seen them and I am ready!
Tomorrow I have an appointment for what is called recall healing. I have not done it before, but it is working on the emotional part of all of this. Please pray that my mind would be open to what hurts I have had in the past. I really believe that emotional stress or trauma has alot to do with cancer, as well as other diseases. I will have to have four sessions of this and the first is tomorrow.
Thank you all for continuing to pray and for sending me your words of encouragement. I look forward to your comments on my blog and facebook. Most of the time, it is just what I need.
Love you all!