Psalm 118:17

I will not die, but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Today I woke up in quite a bit of pain and it's my anniversary. Bummer! I called Ian to tell him happy anniversary and my brother in law, Shane, answered the phone. He said Ian was out running an errand. Which I thought was odd, but I said ok. I called him on his cell phone and it went straight to his voice mail, which was also odd. But, I really didn't thick much about it. About 10:30, Ian called me and said that he had sent me a gift and it should be arriving any minute. He just wanted to make sure that we were in the room. I couldn't figure out what else he was sending me because he already sent me flowers yesterday. About two minutes later there was a knock at the door. Mom opened the door and in walks Ian! My mom gasped and I couldn't see the door and didn't want anyone to see me because I was still in my pajamas and looked terrible. I finally looked up and there he was. I couldn't believe my eyes. My mom was already crying and I was soon to follow. The girls at work raised money, bought him a ticket yesterday and got him a room at this hotel. I was so excited I didn't know what to do with myself. Meanwhile, Maddie had her volleyball tournament at home that Shane and my sisters, nephews, Darlene and Shelby were at supporting her. And she got 2nd place! Woo!Hoo! I am completely overwhelmed by all of this. This is the best gift I have ever received! We have today until tomorrow at 11:00 and he gets on the plane again to go home. Thank you girls for all you have done for me! I will never forget this! I love you all!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Well, I was suppossed to chemo today, but there is a God! My doctor decided to give me a break. I have been too sick this week. He is leaving for Chicago tomorrow and will be gone through the weekend. He didn't want to be gone and me get too sick. I needed a break because this chemo is starting to really kick my butt. I got laser treatment on my lymph system yesterday to help drain the fluid. Some of the fluid has returned, but doesn't seem to be returning quite as fast as the last time I had it drained. I have had no nausea today!!!! My pain is a little better, but is still there. If I stay still, I don't have pain, but when I move my abdomen really hurts. You don't realize how much you move everything around that area until it hurts. My spirits are much better today. Of course, it's easier to lift your spirits when your feeling better. My next chemo treatment is scheduled for Tuesday, so be praying! Tomorrow I am getting some IV vit. C, laser treatment and some treatment to help with my back pain.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Yesterday was a really bad day. I got chemo in the morning and then had to drive an hour and a half away to a hospital to have the fluid drained from my abdomen. They drained 4 liters of fluid, which is about 12 pounds. I am so sick from the chemo and from loosing that much fluid that I vomited all the way back to the hotel. I have a great deal of pain in my abdomen as well. My mom was so good with me. She does not do well when her kids are in pain, but I was so proud of her. She was a real trooper! She never left my side and was up with me several times in the night. I have stopped throwing up today. But, I am very weak. As long as I stay still, I don't have pain, but when I move it hurts. I would have to say that yesterday was the lowest of the lows. I'm not sure how it could get any worse. I'm trying so hard to keep my spirits up and just keep asking the Lord, how much more can I take. Please pray for endurance to get through this battle for my life.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I am back from Texas, but will be leaving again tomorrow evening for three weeks. I have to get chemotherapy twice a week for three weeks to be aggressive with this cancer. I spoke to my radiologist last week and he reread my pet scan. The radiologist at Good Sam read it wrong and the cancer is on my omentum, which is the lining of my intestines. It is also on my diaphragm. Although it does not appear in my breast or bones, it is in a lymph node. Which is an improvement. It was in several lymph nodes to begin with. I will be going with my Mom tomorrow and she will stay with me for a week and a half and then Ian is driving out with the kids as soon as Maddie gets out of school and they will be with me the next week and a half. Maddie is having a hard time and we felt like Ian just needed to be home with the kids until she finished school. They are excited about coming out and seeing where I have been going all the time. On the other hand, she is not happy about me leaving tomorrow.
My chemo changed this past time to three new chemo drugs and they have made me pretty sick. The thought of getting on the plane tomorrow is making me sick. I am also having alot of pain in my abdomen. If you could just pray that I feel well enough to fly tomorrow and that I can get my pain under control. My emotions are at an all time low, as you can probably imagine. Please continue to pray for my physical and emotional healing as I continue on this journey.
I will take my computer with me so that I can keep you updated while I am out there.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I have had a lot going on and needed to gather all my information before I posted. As, you know, I have had off 14 days since my last treatment and had great news the last time I left Texas. I was feeling good, except I had put on a few pounds. I wasn't really thinking anything of it, but as the days went by, I began to get really uncomfortable in my abdomen and was continuing to gain weight. I made it through all the fun birthday stuff and mothers day, but told Jamie that I just felt like something was wrong. By this past Monday, I had put on 9 lbs. in a week and a half and my abdomen was very distended. I called my doctor in Texas and he wanted me to go the ER. Reluctantly, I did. Ian and I dropped the kids off with my Mom and went to the hospital. They did a CT scan of my abdomen and then told us that the cancer had spread to the lining of my intestines. The ER doctor called my surgeon and he said there was nothing he could do for me, but pain management. They wanted to admit me for the night, but I told them to just send me home. I wasn't really in pain, just discomfort. Ian, Dad and myself were stunned. I never dreamed it was cancer after I had been doing so well. I called my doctor in Texas and he said he wanted them to test the fluid that was on my abdomen. So, I went to the surgeon the next day and he ordered a test called a paracentesis. On Wednesday, I went in the morning for my pet scan and then for the paracentesis in the afternoon. They drained 2 liters of fluid off my abdomen which gave me some temporary relief. A week later, the fluid is back. I feel like I am pregnant. Yesterday, we got the results of the pet scan and the pathology report on the fluid. There was good and bad news on the pet scan. First the good news is that there is no cancer in my breast or bones. There is a small lymph node still showing some cancer, which is an improvement. It did not show cancer on the lining of my intestines, but on my diaphragm. At this point, I am so confused as to where it really is. The CT scan says one thing and the pet scan says another. It's so hard to know what to believe. I am happy to know that the cancer had definitely improved in the original spots, but disappointed that it is in my diaphragm. At least I know that what I was doing was working. We just have to figure out where this came from. Yesterday, I sent my blood and fluid to Germany to be tested. They will try and isolate the cancer cells and test different chemotherapy drugs on it to see which drug the cancer is most sensitive too. This way, it will tell my doctor the best meds to use.
Ok, so now I'm sure you want to know how I'm doing. Monday night, I was in shock and disbelief. When the doctor walked out of my room in the ER, I said to my Dad and Ian, I'm not going to beat this. I couldn't even cry. I just sat there staring. They didn't know what to say to me either. We went home and I couldn't hardly sleep, so I got up and started reading my Bible. I was drawn to Psalm 91 and kept praying. The last verse in Psalm 91 says He promises me long life. Psalm 118:17 says, I will not die, but I will live to proclaim what the Lord has done for me. I believe He can and will do a miracle in my body. This is not beyond anything that He can do. I cried a lot that night and I have done really well the rest of the week. I have a peace about all of this and I'm not fearful. I may be miserable for a little while, but I will make it through this.
I told Maddie yesterday, which was the part I was dreading. As soon as I got out the phrase, it had spread, she burst into tears. She never knew it had spread past my breast from the beginning. My heart broke as she cried so hard. I looked at her and said, Mommy's not going anywhere. I don't think I could have said this to her two months ago. But, I believe I'm going to be healed and felt confident in saying that to her. I hate this for her, but I know she's going to be alright and be stronger for it. It's not the way I wanted her to be strong, but we can use it the best we can. Fortunately the summer is almost here and she won't have the pressures of school to deal with. Parker on the other hand doesn't really get the whole thing. He still prays at dinner, God, make my mommy better. And he loves to tell me what I can and can't eat. He knows things that have sugar and tells me that I can't have a bite of it because it's not good for cancer. He's such a happy little thing and just keeps going on like nothing has changed. I've tried to keep normalcy as much as possible and it seems to be working.
I leave for Texas today with Jenn and we will be back tomorrow night. I will take all the prayers I can get. So, please continue and don't give up on me yet.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ok, so I have lots to tell you. I will begin with the flight to Texas. It was a flight like no other. It started out with this couple sitting in front of us that could not keep their hands off each other. They finally got up and went to the bathroom together and Mom wanted to put a note on their seat to get a room. It was ridiculous, but we got a good laugh out of it. Everything was going smoothly with the flight until the last half hour or so. The pilot came on and said we would be landing in about 20 min., which ended up being 30 min., and then about 2 min. later, he came on and told the stewardesses to take a seat now. We knew something was up then. He had mentioned a thunderstorm, but it was really a very bad thunderstorm. The plane started rolling from side to side and taking little nose dives. At one point we came out of our seats and people let out a scream. It was lightning and no visibility outside. It was like something you would see in the movies. I looked at mom and said, I am not going to die from a stupid plane crash! I just sat there and prayed. I started to get really nauseous and mom was looking for the barf bag. Thankfully, I didn't have to use it. We finally got through the storm and as soon as we came through the storm clouds, there was a beautiful rainbow on the otherside. I thought that was pretty cool. When I saw it, I thought the Lord was saying, I was right here all the time. As He always is. We had the same stewardesses on the way home last night and I asked them if they were nervous. They said they got a little nervous and very nauseous. They then told us that the plane had been struck by lightning. So, we really did make it through the storm with God waiting on the otherside.
That was the beginning of our trip. Mom and I went to chemo the next morning and everything went as planned. My sugar dropped a little lower than usual and I felt pretty yucky for a little bit until my sugar came back up. But, everything went well. My Dr. wanted to measure my tumor before I left and I was anxious to see what he thought. He was all smiles as soon as he began to feel for the tumor. Three weeks ago when he tried to measure the tumor, it was almost impossible. The tumor was still so large and it was difficult to feel the edges of it. He could now easily feel the edges and the measurements were smaller than when I had my consultation with him. That was two weeks before I started treatment. He kept saying, "this is unbelievable, this is a miralcle. I am so happy for you". Not that he didn't think this was going to work, but the difference in three weeks was better than he thought it would be. Mom, Lindsay, Dr. Kotsanis and I just looked at each other and smiled big smiles. I was so excited as I walked out the door. I not only got good news, but I have 2 weeks off. I was on a high!
Mom and I had lunch and went back to the hotel so I could lay down. I didn't feel very good this time. I think maybe it was because I got treatment closer together. But my good news totally outweighed how I felt. We got on the plane last night and had a wonderful flight home and I was glad to be home in my bed by 11:00. That was a very quick and eventful 31hrs.

Monday, May 3, 2010

I leave for Texas in about an hour or so and thought I should give an update. I am going with Mom this week and Ian will be home with the kids. I just got home on Friday and am going again. As much as I don't want to get on a plane again, it will be worth it. I will be with my family Thursday for Jamie's birthday instead of sitting in a hotel room in Texas. I would much rather be with my family. And, I now get not 8, but 14 days off. I was scheduled for next Thursday, but my doctor will be here in Hollywood teaching on the treatment he is giving me. So, I get the week off! I am looking forward to two weeks at home.
I have felt kind of yucky today, so please pray for strength. I just finished reading Psalms 91, and I am going to rest under His wings and I know He will provide for me.