I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I have had a lot going on and needed to gather all my information before I posted. As, you know, I have had off 14 days since my last treatment and had great news the last time I left Texas. I was feeling good, except I had put on a few pounds. I wasn't really thinking anything of it, but as the days went by, I began to get really uncomfortable in my abdomen and was continuing to gain weight. I made it through all the fun birthday stuff and mothers day, but told Jamie that I just felt like something was wrong. By this past Monday, I had put on 9 lbs. in a week and a half and my abdomen was very distended. I called my doctor in Texas and he wanted me to go the ER. Reluctantly, I did. Ian and I dropped the kids off with my Mom and went to the hospital. They did a CT scan of my abdomen and then told us that the cancer had spread to the lining of my intestines. The ER doctor called my surgeon and he said there was nothing he could do for me, but pain management. They wanted to admit me for the night, but I told them to just send me home. I wasn't really in pain, just discomfort. Ian, Dad and myself were stunned. I never dreamed it was cancer after I had been doing so well. I called my doctor in Texas and he said he wanted them to test the fluid that was on my abdomen. So, I went to the surgeon the next day and he ordered a test called a paracentesis. On Wednesday, I went in the morning for my pet scan and then for the paracentesis in the afternoon. They drained 2 liters of fluid off my abdomen which gave me some temporary relief. A week later, the fluid is back. I feel like I am pregnant. Yesterday, we got the results of the pet scan and the pathology report on the fluid. There was good and bad news on the pet scan. First the good news is that there is no cancer in my breast or bones. There is a small lymph node still showing some cancer, which is an improvement. It did not show cancer on the lining of my intestines, but on my diaphragm. At this point, I am so confused as to where it really is. The CT scan says one thing and the pet scan says another. It's so hard to know what to believe. I am happy to know that the cancer had definitely improved in the original spots, but disappointed that it is in my diaphragm. At least I know that what I was doing was working. We just have to figure out where this came from. Yesterday, I sent my blood and fluid to Germany to be tested. They will try and isolate the cancer cells and test different chemotherapy drugs on it to see which drug the cancer is most sensitive too. This way, it will tell my doctor the best meds to use.
Ok, so now I'm sure you want to know how I'm doing. Monday night, I was in shock and disbelief. When the doctor walked out of my room in the ER, I said to my Dad and Ian, I'm not going to beat this. I couldn't even cry. I just sat there staring. They didn't know what to say to me either. We went home and I couldn't hardly sleep, so I got up and started reading my Bible. I was drawn to Psalm 91 and kept praying. The last verse in Psalm 91 says He promises me long life. Psalm 118:17 says, I will not die, but I will live to proclaim what the Lord has done for me. I believe He can and will do a miracle in my body. This is not beyond anything that He can do. I cried a lot that night and I have done really well the rest of the week. I have a peace about all of this and I'm not fearful. I may be miserable for a little while, but I will make it through this.
I told Maddie yesterday, which was the part I was dreading. As soon as I got out the phrase, it had spread, she burst into tears. She never knew it had spread past my breast from the beginning. My heart broke as she cried so hard. I looked at her and said, Mommy's not going anywhere. I don't think I could have said this to her two months ago. But, I believe I'm going to be healed and felt confident in saying that to her. I hate this for her, but I know she's going to be alright and be stronger for it. It's not the way I wanted her to be strong, but we can use it the best we can. Fortunately the summer is almost here and she won't have the pressures of school to deal with. Parker on the other hand doesn't really get the whole thing. He still prays at dinner, God, make my mommy better. And he loves to tell me what I can and can't eat. He knows things that have sugar and tells me that I can't have a bite of it because it's not good for cancer. He's such a happy little thing and just keeps going on like nothing has changed. I've tried to keep normalcy as much as possible and it seems to be working.
I leave for Texas today with Jenn and we will be back tomorrow night. I will take all the prayers I can get. So, please continue and don't give up on me yet.