Psalm 118:17

I will not die, but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I have had a lot going on and needed to gather all my information before I posted. As, you know, I have had off 14 days since my last treatment and had great news the last time I left Texas. I was feeling good, except I had put on a few pounds. I wasn't really thinking anything of it, but as the days went by, I began to get really uncomfortable in my abdomen and was continuing to gain weight. I made it through all the fun birthday stuff and mothers day, but told Jamie that I just felt like something was wrong. By this past Monday, I had put on 9 lbs. in a week and a half and my abdomen was very distended. I called my doctor in Texas and he wanted me to go the ER. Reluctantly, I did. Ian and I dropped the kids off with my Mom and went to the hospital. They did a CT scan of my abdomen and then told us that the cancer had spread to the lining of my intestines. The ER doctor called my surgeon and he said there was nothing he could do for me, but pain management. They wanted to admit me for the night, but I told them to just send me home. I wasn't really in pain, just discomfort. Ian, Dad and myself were stunned. I never dreamed it was cancer after I had been doing so well. I called my doctor in Texas and he said he wanted them to test the fluid that was on my abdomen. So, I went to the surgeon the next day and he ordered a test called a paracentesis. On Wednesday, I went in the morning for my pet scan and then for the paracentesis in the afternoon. They drained 2 liters of fluid off my abdomen which gave me some temporary relief. A week later, the fluid is back. I feel like I am pregnant. Yesterday, we got the results of the pet scan and the pathology report on the fluid. There was good and bad news on the pet scan. First the good news is that there is no cancer in my breast or bones. There is a small lymph node still showing some cancer, which is an improvement. It did not show cancer on the lining of my intestines, but on my diaphragm. At this point, I am so confused as to where it really is. The CT scan says one thing and the pet scan says another. It's so hard to know what to believe. I am happy to know that the cancer had definitely improved in the original spots, but disappointed that it is in my diaphragm. At least I know that what I was doing was working. We just have to figure out where this came from. Yesterday, I sent my blood and fluid to Germany to be tested. They will try and isolate the cancer cells and test different chemotherapy drugs on it to see which drug the cancer is most sensitive too. This way, it will tell my doctor the best meds to use.
Ok, so now I'm sure you want to know how I'm doing. Monday night, I was in shock and disbelief. When the doctor walked out of my room in the ER, I said to my Dad and Ian, I'm not going to beat this. I couldn't even cry. I just sat there staring. They didn't know what to say to me either. We went home and I couldn't hardly sleep, so I got up and started reading my Bible. I was drawn to Psalm 91 and kept praying. The last verse in Psalm 91 says He promises me long life. Psalm 118:17 says, I will not die, but I will live to proclaim what the Lord has done for me. I believe He can and will do a miracle in my body. This is not beyond anything that He can do. I cried a lot that night and I have done really well the rest of the week. I have a peace about all of this and I'm not fearful. I may be miserable for a little while, but I will make it through this.
I told Maddie yesterday, which was the part I was dreading. As soon as I got out the phrase, it had spread, she burst into tears. She never knew it had spread past my breast from the beginning. My heart broke as she cried so hard. I looked at her and said, Mommy's not going anywhere. I don't think I could have said this to her two months ago. But, I believe I'm going to be healed and felt confident in saying that to her. I hate this for her, but I know she's going to be alright and be stronger for it. It's not the way I wanted her to be strong, but we can use it the best we can. Fortunately the summer is almost here and she won't have the pressures of school to deal with. Parker on the other hand doesn't really get the whole thing. He still prays at dinner, God, make my mommy better. And he loves to tell me what I can and can't eat. He knows things that have sugar and tells me that I can't have a bite of it because it's not good for cancer. He's such a happy little thing and just keeps going on like nothing has changed. I've tried to keep normalcy as much as possible and it seems to be working.
I leave for Texas today with Jenn and we will be back tomorrow night. I will take all the prayers I can get. So, please continue and don't give up on me yet.


  1. Never giving up, Kelly - never! Psalms 118:17 is perfect. I am celebrating the victories of no cancer in your breast/bones but am sad about the diaphragm. Just another part of the process that was unseen. With your PH levels and specified chemo, you can beat this. You have always been one with "fire in your belly" and lots of fight in you! I am praying that God's strength be made perfect in the times when you feel weak or fearful. Praying for more miracles- He is certainly able. I love you and will continue to pray diligently!

  2. Dear Kelly, We'll continue to pray, stand and believe with you. Now I know why you've been on my heart so much this past week. One of my favorites right now is Psalm 94:17-19

    "Unless the LORD had been my help,
    My soul would soon have settled in silence.
    If I say, “My foot slips,”
    Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up.
    In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
    Your comforts delight my soul."

    Praying for His comforts to overwhelm your soul. Love and prayers-- Christie

  3. I just talked to your mom and got the updated news. Kelly....WE are not giving up on you for one minute! have to find a way not to give up on yourself (I know..easier said than done). I pray for you to have the peace that passes ALL understanding. God is going to give you a long life just like it says in Psalm 91. Fear not...fear not...fear not....for GOD is with you - He is your rock. Lean on Him and on all of us who are there to support you. We love you so much!! My favorite verse again - James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

  4. Kelly,
    Great scriptures! I've got one more for you. I posted it on the mirror in my bathroom. When I was first struggling with my lung cancer diagnosis, I felt like I was under a death sentence. As I was reading in the book of John, this verse jumped out at me: "When he heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'" John 11:4.
    When I spoke to you in Publix last week, you looked so good that it was obvious that you were responding to treatment. You had a sparkle in your eyes and I came away with a strong feeling that you are going to make it.
    I still feel that way.
    Mary and I pray for you everytime we pray. We ask the Lord to cure you from cancer. We pray that the treatment you are receiving will be completely successful and become a standard treatment saving untold cancer patients from so much of the suffering associated with chemo therapy. He's a BIG God and He abounds with mercy, grace, and blessings. -Glenn

  5. You are on my mind and in my heart every you so much. God is in control-give it up to Him. Praying!

  6. Kelly, I was saddened to read of this new advance of your cancer. I rejoice in the good news about the breast cancer and take hope that these same doctors will beat this new attack.

    I want to share two scriptures that have always helped me maintain my emotional and spiritual balance when my world is out of kilter:

    "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

    "But now, this is what the Lord says - He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your are precious and honored in My sight and I love you."
    Isaiah 43:1-4

    I'm praying today that God will infuse you and all your family with a mega dose of His hope. Job wrote in Job 11:18 "Having hope will give you courage (NLT). Hope will enable all of you to move ahead and gain victory in this daunting battle.

    I send my love to each of you and commit to continued prayer.