I'm sorry it's been so long since I have written. My computer crashed and is still being worked on. Ian brought me home his laptop so that I could catch up until mine is fixed.
Unfortunately, it has been another rough week. I had chemo last Tuesday and went in with a very positive attitude. I did well the day of chemo and the next day, Wednesday, I felt good enough to go to the pumpkin patch with Parker's class. We had breakfast together by ourselves and then met his class there. We had such a good time together and the Lord gave me strength to get through it. But, by Wednesday night, the vomiting started. And it continued until Sunday. My abdomen was also very full of fluid and causing me a great deal of pain. When the fluid gets so full, it begins to push on all my organs and is painful. It too causes nausea and vomiting. Mom called Dr. McKeen Saturday night to find out if I could get it drained on Sunday. The catch was, that I only want a certain doctor to do it. This will have been my sixth time of being drained and each doctor is very different. It is not a pleasant procedure getting the needle into my belly and I have found one doctor at Good Samaritan that is very gentle and is worth waiting for. Unfortunately he was out of town for the weekend, but he said he could do it Monday. So, we scheduled it for Monday and all went well. She didn't want any more than 3liters taken off, so that is what they took. They could have taken more, but it is too much of a fluid shift for me to take anymore than that. Yesterday, I was very sore, but had my chemo appointment. I was not sure whether I could take the chemo, because I am so weak. Now that my belly has gone way down, you can feel what is in there. I told Jamie that morning that I could feel tumors and she could too. Dr. McKeen could also feel them all over my abdomen. My breast was completely soft last week and now this week, half of it is hard again. So, she said the chemo is not working. She gave me the week off because I'm not strong enough and will start me on a new chemo next week. It is called Doxil and has some yucky side effects. It will make my hands, feet and mouth raw. While I am getting the chemo, they will put ice packs on my hands and feet and keep ice in my mouth to try and prevent the chemo from going to those spots. It's called cryotherapy. They gave me a kit with special lotion to use soft pads to put in my shoes when I walk. I will get it once a month, but will still get my Herceptin weekly. This chemo is supposed to be more specific to the abdomen and we have got to get that under control. She sent off for tumor markers again this week and will get results next week.
Meanwhile, Maddie crawled into bed with me the night before last and said she is afraid that I am going to die. She said she is not dumb and knows that people die from cancer and she knows that I am very sick. She also said that she worried about me when I am home by myself. She is afraid that I am going to slip and fall or vomiting and Daddy can't get to me fast enough. She can't wait to get home to make sure that I am ok. I don't even know what to say to her anymore. I just told her that I don't plan on dying and that we are trusting the Lord. This is awful, but I wanted to say to her, I would love to just close my eyes and not wake up. Heaven just sounds better and better. No suffering or pain. I know that sounds so selfish of me, but there are days when those thoughts cross my mind. Some days just get the best of me.
Please pray for strength and endurance as this journey continues to be long and difficult.

Chemo went well yesterday. My blood counts were good, so it was ok to start the chemo again. She did tumor markers last week and the results were good. She checks three different tumor markers on me. Two are for breast and one is for my abdomen. The two breast markers are stable and the abdomen came down 200 points from last month, but are still high. It looks like the cancer is responding to this chemo. I am thrilled that the breast is stable and I'm happy that the abdomen is going down instead of up. Every little bit of progress is a step in the right direction. It gives me what I need to sit there and get another dose of chemo.
I had signed up to take Parker on his field trip to the pumpkin patch today, not knowing that I would be getting chemo the day before. I woke up feeling ok this morning and decided I would still go. I couldn't disappoint him. I promised him I would be there. So, we went and got breakfast together and then met his class at the pumpkin patch. I started feeling a little nauseous while I was there, but I did good. I made it through the field trip and enjoyed being with him. I'm so thankful that I got to go and have that time with him. Hopefully I will remain good through the rest of the week. One day at a time.

We went camping and had the time of our lives! We went to Fort Desoto on the west coast and it was beautiful. The weather was gorgeous! The kids had such a great time together and met a ton of kids in the campground. And Lisa, Jeff, Ian and I always enjoy being together. I am exhausted today, but it was well worth it. Especially when Maddie came in my room last night started crying and said, "Mom, I didn't want it to end". That made it all worth the effort to go! I have memories to last a lifetime from this weekend.
Now, back home to reality. And tomorrow is chemo day. I am going to think positive and say that I am going to do well and not be sick. So, please pray along with me that I will tolerate tomorrow and the days to come.

I did not get chemo yesterday, just my Herceptin. I was grateful for another week off to recuperate. I still am very weak and tired. I feel like I want to sleep all the time. She said to sleep when my body wants it because it is trying to heal itself. It just makes you feel like a bum being in bed all day. I've caught a cold too which my body is trying to fight off as well.
The camping plans are still in motion and my kids are so excited. I will go one way or the other because I do not want to disappoint them. I'm just praying for strength. I am not feeling sick, which is good. I can deal with being weak and tired. We plan on leaving tomorrow and the campground is on the west coast right on the beach. Please pray that I will continue to feel good and continue to eat and gain my strength. I am looking forward to spending time with my family and our friends.

Well, I am home from the hospital again. I went in Thursday because it had been 9 days of vomiting. I actually called my doctor and asked her to send me. I hate going to the hospital, so she knew I was desperate. I was extremely dehydrated and so weak. But, I am home today and praying that I will continue to feel better each day. I don't know if I will get chemo on Tuesday or not. I'm holding my breath! I'm praying that she will give me one more week to recuperate. We have had camping reservations with our friends for Thursday of this week through the weekend. I really want to go. Please pray that I will feel well enough to go and I can have this time with my kids and our friends. The weather has been so beautiful and I think it would be so good for me to spend some time outside. And pray that I will gain my strength back this week. My legs are so weak again, like jello. I think I had a couple of bites of yogurt in 10 days and that was it. I need food to build my muscle back again. I did it once before, and I will do it again. I'm trying so hard to keep my head up and remain positive. Sometimes it is a daily struggle and sometimes it is minute by minute. The Lord will continue to carry me through!

I am sorry that it has been so long since I blogged. I had a really rough week last week. I got chemo on last Tuesday and started vomiting in the night that night and as of yesterday, I was still vomiting. I have not eaten anything in that time and it was all I could do just to keep fluids down. I called the doctor yesterday morning and she had me come in. She sent me to Good Samaratin Hospital to have my abdomen drained again and to receive fluids and anti nausea medication through my IV. I think we got my stomach to finally settle down a little. I will not get chemo today. It probably won't be until next week if my stomach is doing better. My WBC's have also bottomed out. They were .8 yesterday, which is bad. If they don't come up on their own, I will have to have a shot called Neulasta, that makes WBC in your long bones. I had this shot after each chemo treatment four years ago. It was very painful for me. It makes your long bones ache really bad. Please pray that I don't have to start on that shot again.
I am trying to remain positive and keep my head held up. Some days are more difficult than others. I was going to be admitted to the hospital yesterday, but they ended up letting me go. I was so glad, because today is Parker's 5th birthday and I did not want to be in the hospital.
Please continue to pray for healing and that my body would be able to respond to the treatment.