Today has been a low day for me. I woke up just feeling down in the dumps. I had errands to run, the kids were in school, so I got myself dressed and went out. I seemed to be doing ok for a little while and then my pain started. I constantly have pain across my whole chest and around my back. It's uncomfortable, but usually tolerable. Today it got so bad. I got in the car from leaving Walmart and burst into tears. Why was I in so much pain? I didn't know if I was going to make it home. When I got home, Ian happened to be there waiting for the water guy. That was a blessing. No kids, so I just let loose. I layed on my bed and cried and cried. Why am I hurting so bad? Please, give me relief I cried out to God. Ian just sat with me and comforted me. I took a pain pill and it slowly began to ease my pain.
It was by no mistake that we were to eat dinner at my parents house with my family. They wanted to pray over me tonight. We thought about cancelling and staying home, but I knew that would be the worst thing for me. We went over to my parents and by the time I got there, the pain was starting again. It was obvious that someone didn't want me there for a reason. We ate dinner and then my family sat around me, even the kids, and prayed over me. Before they started, I told them that I had a rough day today and was believing lies that were going on in my head. The worse the pain gets, I think to myself, the cancer is getting worse. Sometimes being a nurse is a detriment to me. I start trying to assess myself. Before we prayed, my Dad asked if anybody wanted to say anything and my little girl spoke up. She told everyone how her and Grammy had been looking up a new verse each week to help them get through this and writing it down in her notebook. She didn't have her notebook with her, but she could remember each scripture. When she was done, she looked over at me and said, "I know my mom can do this, because she did it before". Nothing like my 9 year old to trust that the Lord is going to heal me. Then my family began to pray. We held hands and we cried and my Dad said that we would come against this as a family. I'm not sure how people get through this without the Lord and the support of their family. I have to say that unfortunately, for the rest of you, I have the best family! Sorry, but they take the cake. Once I got home, I was tired and just wanted to go to bed, but again the pain was too bad. So, here I am writing to all of you knowing that I can have a bad day and my family will be there to pick me up and remind me to rest in my heavenly Father.